a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
