It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
