this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize