You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
