The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
