I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Let's get the cat blown out
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
