Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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