I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
a search helicopter?!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
