he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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