Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize