just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
