dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
