Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize