Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
