I accidentally burped into my bong.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
