i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
