At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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