Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Randomize
