while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
