i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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