theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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