Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
