not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize