did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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