Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
