Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
