Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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