There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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