My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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