You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
