i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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