Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
