Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
