If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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