I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
