I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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