1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
