god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
