I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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