yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
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