I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
