I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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