I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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