No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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