Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
