She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
