I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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