Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
