The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
