There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize