Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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