i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
