he told me I talked like a deaf person
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
