She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think a kid would responsible me up
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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