billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
