return my video game
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
