i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
