I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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