How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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