Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
