I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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