I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
