why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
