can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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